Masked?

Monday evening, I picked up Adi from dance class. I peeked into the studio, expecting to see her smile as she practiced her ballet recital number. I was surprised to see a neon green mask as she tiptoed into a graceful circle with her friends. When she left the studio a few minutes later, I gave her a hug and whispered in her ear, “I’m really proud that you decided to wear your mask.”

Monday was the first day that masks were optional at school and dance class. We had had many conversations as a family leading up to this day. I had expressed my desire for the girls to continue wearing their masks, at least for a while…so we could see what would happen next. Adi was sure that no one in her class would continue wearing a mask, her teacher had polled the class at morning meeting. Not one to enjoy standing out, that was enough for Adi to know she didn’t want to wear her mask. Despite conversations like “sometimes doing the thing that is different is hard” or “it won’t be forever…”, she wasn’t convinced. So, when I picked her up, I was actually shocked to see that maybe some of my words had sunk in.

Looking around our communities now, I know that my thoughts may not be popular. I feelextreme gratitude for our masks. When we walked back into schools for the first time in the fall of 2020, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous. I was exposed to Covid countless times, but thankfully, I’ve stayed healthy. I attribute a lot of that to masks. As a mother, I’ve gone through a rollercoaster of emotions and worries, always wondering if we are making the right choices. Should we send the kids to school? Should we get them vaccinated? Now, should we let them take their masks off? Is this latest shift really rooted in science or politics? COVID has been so unpredictable…I suppose I have trust issues. The masks feel like the one thing I can control as I send my most precious people into the world.

Wednesday morning, as I reconfigured Adi’s hair into her second braid bun of the morning (she’s very particular about her hair), she told me again that she did not want to wear her mask to school. She said that none of her friends were wearing theirs. “Ali told me I should just take it off…that you’d never even know.” I thanked her for her honesty and we talked about trust. Then, she began to sob. “I don’t want to go to school anymore,” she cried.

My kids love school, so this stung. I was torn. Do I insist she wears her mask and put her through all of these feelings or do I let it go? After her bun was secure, I wrapped my arms around her and surprised myself when I heard these words come out of my mouth, “You can take your mask off if you want.”

In February, my long time slicing friend, Susan, wrote about her One Little Word for 2022, Carefree. It’s times like these that I wish I was able to be a little more carefree, able to throw caution to the wind. But unfortunately, I am pretty much the opposite of carefree.

This morning, I asked my oldest daughter, Wren, if she would continue to wear her mask. She’s a lot like me, a rule follower. She had told me earlier in the week that her sweet teacher said he would keep his mask on until the last student took theirs off. I know Wren is the last. “I think I’ll keep it on my water bottle and if I’m close to other people, I’ll put it on,” she said looking at me for what I knew was approval.

“Ok,” I said, trying to muster up a smile.

In 2020, when COVID was still so new and my dad was still an ICU nurse, I wrote, “I’m now visualizing a bubble of love wrapped around him, keeping him and everyone else who walks head on into the virus safe and protected.” Once again, I hope that this bubble is enough to keep my loved ones safe.