Each year for my girls’ birthdays, I make a slideshow with pictures from the year. I add cheesy music and I make everyone watch at their birthday celebrations. My family usually groans, not another slideshow. But putting the slideshows together is my way of reflecting on the year on my own. I usually laugh, cry, and come to terms with the growing up that has occurred.
When I was pregnant with my oldest daughter, Wren, my sister was also pregnant with her third boy. I was due first but my sister ended up having her son, Maverick, first…six days before Wren. Wren and Maverick have lovingly been referred to as “twins” ever since and I think they actually believe that they are.
So to celebrate the milestone of them both turning five this week, I created a slideshow of pictures of just the two of them, Wren and Maverick, going all the way back to right before they were born. It was just what I needed to slow down and think about the last five years and how much our lives have changed, how much I have learned.
You start kindergarten at the end of this month. You turn five in just 6 more days. A whole hand. I somehow remember that being such a big deal when I was little. How could it be that it was just five years ago that you were the baby girl I was carrying in my belly? I remember trying to cherish every second, not taking a smile or coo for granted. Now look at you. So grown up. Some days I catch a glimpse of the grown woman you will become. The intense concentration that you get lost in. So many worries as I prepare to let my baby go off to school. Those worries mirror all the worries I’ve had since before you were born. Would I be a good enough mom? How would you survive at daycare without me? Will you grow up to be strong and kind? I know in my heart you will be just fine. But you’re entering a new world. You’ll be spending more of your time with people that will most likely always be almost strangers to me. You’ll have a world outside of us.
Each day you surprise me with just how much you are soaking up from the world around you. Lately, you’ve been experimenting with an English accent. You have such big wonders, constantly asking questions I sometimes don’t have the answers to. “Why can’t we touch the sun?” “Can we go to another planet?” “What’s the difference between a pond and an ocean?” I hope that wonder never fades.
Sometimes as I’m feeding Rosie now, I’m transported back in time to when you were a baby. Is it possible that you were ever that small and helpless? The girl in front of me now takes charge, looks after her little sisters, and assures me that “I’ve got this, mom.” You step into new situations with confidence, a confidence I don’t think I ever possessed. Where did that come from? How did you learn to navigate so many obstacles head on?
I look at you and my heart swells and my mind is blown. I’m not sure how five years have passed, but I see what those five years have given you and all that you have given to me. I’m so grateful that you’re my little girl. I love you.
Love You Always,