Breathe in, Breathe out

I’ve never been a mindful breather. I’ve tried paying attention to my breath, but I never really got into it. That was, until recently, where I’ve tried focused my mind by thinking out the air entering and exiting my body-trying to push the anxieties and stress out, trying to make room for more of what I can control.

“You’re always on your computer when you get home,” my daughter sneers after another afternoon where I know I’m not present enough. I try to push the sense of guilt out.

I wake up at 2:15 am again, my mind swirling with ideas for lessons, items for my never ending to do list, the tasks I need to complete before leaving the house in the morning-so that my family can hopefully have a smooth day. Breathe in, breathe out the lists.

It’s the weekend. I want to be with my family, not already stuck in the week ahead. I spend Friday night planning, promising this is the only work I will do all weekend. Breathing out the work, trying to make room for what really matters. “They can replace you at work. They can’t replace you at home,” a line I heard somewhere, sneaking into my brain.

I shut my computer. I try to suppress the teacher…the self doubt…the feeling that I can’t give anyone enough.

I breathe in…

the sunshine

holding their hands

watching dance class

movie night

folding their laundry

snuggling off the fall chill

writing lunchbox notes

walks around the block…

I breathe it all in…

Soak it up….

Refill.

7 thoughts on “Breathe in, Breathe out

  1. There’s nothing like family — my dad always said, “take care of your family” It’s a wise move to pause and breathe in all that having a family has to give – hands to hold, snuggles to be had, watching to be done together — beautiful slice that captures the tension between being a teacher and a mother while also celebrating the choice you made to refill with family.

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  2. Love the idea of naming what you breathe in and breathe out- gives the breathing a bit more focus. You’ll continue to find more and more balance! I took this weekend off from working as much as I could.

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  3. Being a teacher is always challenging, but right now, sometimes I’m simply stunned by all that we’re trying to accomplish and the number and weight of the balls we’re juggling. I’m so glad you chose to take the weekend off. I’m trying hard to isolate some work time early in the weekend so that I can enjoy the rest of the time fully. This line really resonated with me: “I want to be with my family, not already stuck in the week ahead.” Breathe in. Breathe out. Great post.

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  4. If ever we need to be reminded to take care of ourselves and our loved ones, it’s in the middle of a pandemic. And thank goodness for the unfiltered truth out of the mouths of babes, to remind us of what is really important. Kudos for shutting off the computer and taking a moment to breathe.

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