I took March 5th as a personal day. I was going to chaperone a field trip to see a play with my daughter, Adi’s, kindergarten class. I planned to squeeze in some other errands after the trip…a little kid free time.
The field trip was great. We saw a version of The Little Mermaid at a theater I visited as a kindergartener myself. I loved watching the kids’ faces as they watched the stage, wide eyed and in awe.
As soon as the show was over and I had helped my group clean up their snacks and get on their coats, Adi started asking if she could come home with me after the trip. I think some of the other kids were planning to go home with their parents. “You’ll have more fun at school I reassured her. I just have a bunch of errands to run.”
She didn’t let up and I didn’t give in. On the bus ride home, Adi opted to sit with me instead of with her friends as she had on the ride to the theater. She curled into my lap and kept asking about coming home. Then she shifted to telling me she was coming home.
Her teacher, sitting across the aisle noticed and said, “do you think separating will be hard today?” I nodded.
Since we were seated close to the front of the bus, we got off quickly once we arrived back at the school. I held Adi’s hand as we walked down the steep bus steps. I felt the anticipation rising in her, would I leave her or take her with me?
“Adi, come lead the line,” her teacher said, motioning for her to take a spot on the sidewalk.
“I’m just going to go,” I said to the teacher before letting go of Adi’s hand and walking away. “I love you. I’ll see you soon,” I called to Adi. Before I turned around the corner of the building, I looked back and saw the outline of Adi at the front of the line. I knew her eyes were teary even though I was too far away to see for sure.
I walked home from the girls’ school with a heavy feeling. Maybe I should have taken her home. I called my husband and told him how Adi had wanted to come home. How I felt bad for leaving her. He reassured me that she was probably just fine.
I couldn’t shake the feeling, was it guilt? Sadness? I emailed Adi’s teacher. I thanked her for having me as a chaperone on the trip and mentioned that if Adi was still feeling sad to just give me a call, I’d come get her.
Now, I’m left sitting her. Unable to get going on my errands and other plans for the day. Hopefully writing this down here will help me to move forward.
Only two hours until pickup time…