Longing.

Adi and I pulled out of our parking space at Big Y. We are weekend shopping buddies. “I’m just going to call Grandma quickly,” I told Adi. “I haven’t talked to her in a while.”

I chatted with my Grandma for the few minutes it took Adi and I to drive home…well I mostly listened. Grandma likes to fill me in on who she has talked to during the week, what her neighbors have been up to, and any other drama going on her in life.

When we pulled into the driveway, I switched my phone from the bluetooth to speakerphone and finished up my conversation, as I walked to and from the house with groceries. “Let me let you go,” my Grandma said-her usual wrap up phrase. “Tell Rosie I said hi. She goes crazy for me.”

“I know,” I smiled. “She loves you.”

“I love her too,” my Grandma replied. I heard to love and joy in her voice.

A few weeks ago, we celebrated my Grandma’s 91st birthday. Despite my mom offering to make Gram dinner and host a celebration, she insisted on making her own birthday feast and having us all over her house. After dinner that night, as I sat next to my Grandma. on her familiar blanket covered green love seat, I felt an overwhelming sensation to curl up and put my head in her lap. I didn’t give in, but the feeling has stuck with me in the weeks since that night.

These days, most of her attention and affection goes towards the little ones. I remember being the little one. The pet names she now calls my kids, once my own.

 

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7 thoughts on “Longing.

  1. Ah, pet names, another gift that goes from generation to generation! You actually set me up for funny at the end but, no, you delivered nostalgia laced with love. So sweet and Happy Happy Birthday to your spunky Gma!!

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  2. Mmm… that last line. So full of love and longing. I feel like the last two lines together are crying out to be a haiku. And maybe my favorite part of this post is how it starts off with the every day and then the emotion wells up, overwhelms and leaves me there with you. I kind of hope you get a moment to curl up with your head in her lap over the holidays.

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  3. Treasure all this time! I miss calling my Grandma on the phone so much. She was such a steady, gentle, warm and loving part of my life and I was lucky to have her for 36 years. She passed away 4 years ago right around Christmas time and I truly miss her every day. So glad you and your Grandma still get to have those chats.

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  4. This short vignette of life is so rich in its implications and I read this twice to understand the longing knowing this sense of a long life coming to a close (my father’s 94th birthday was yesterday). Thank you for such a lovely slice of life to begin the day – longing can be so difficult.

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