My eyes glance towards the clock, 1:33. Just two more hours until I can pick up Wren from her first full day of kindergarten. Yesterday was just the warm up, an hour. We got to stay in the gym and hear all about the school and the year ahead. Even then, my eyes kept finding the clock-just thirty more minutes until I would see her again. But today, feels so long.
I keep seeing the nervous look on her face at drop-off, as she sat on the gym floor with her new classmates, waiting to walk to their classroom. She fiddled with her backpack, watching the boys already horsing around next to her from the corner of her eye. We watched from the sidelines, waiting to see her off. She caught my eye a few times. I forced a smile. She smiled back. All the while, I just wanted to swoop in and scoop her up. We aren’t ready for kindergarten. We’ll try again some other time.
Back in the car, I could no longer hold back the tears as I buckled Adi into Wren’s carseat. “Why are you crying, Mommy?” her face full of concern. “You want Wren? You still have me,” she offers as she watches my face, waiting for me to tell her it will all be ok. I kiss her cheek, lingering to smell her hair.
All day long, it feels as if something is missing…because it is. One of my girls is at school. She is ready. I am not.
Thankfully, this smiling face greeted us at pickup time.