She is ready…

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My eyes glance towards the clock, 1:33. Just two more hours until I can pick up Wren from her first full day of kindergarten. Yesterday was just the warm up, an hour. We got to stay in the gym and hear all about the school and the year ahead. Even then, my eyes kept finding the clock-just thirty more minutes until I would see her again. But today, feels so long.

I keep seeing the nervous look on her face at drop-off, as she sat on the gym floor with her new classmates, waiting to walk to their classroom. She fiddled with her backpack, watching the boys already horsing around next to her from the corner of her eye. We watched from the sidelines, waiting to see her off. She caught my eye a few times. I forced a smile. She smiled back. All the while, I just wanted to swoop in and scoop her up. We aren’t ready for kindergarten. We’ll try again some other time. 

Back in the car, I could no longer hold back the tears as I buckled Adi into Wren’s carseat. “Why are you crying, Mommy?” her face full of concern. “You want Wren? You still have me,” she offers as she watches my face, waiting for me to tell her it will all be ok. I kiss her cheek, lingering to smell her hair.

All day long, it feels as if something is missing…because it is. One of my girls is at school. She is ready. I am not.

Thankfully, this smiling face greeted us at pickup time.

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8 thoughts on “She is ready…

  1. This brought a lump to my throat — landing me back to that day for me with my girl. How I wept! I wasn’t sure why — I’d worked full time since she was 2 and had left her for long days at day care. But kindergarten is different, isn’t it? But that smile says it all: she IS ready.
    And what a beautiful, empathetic soul Adi is.
    All of it, just beautiful — and that you capture the moments here with such grace.

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  2. Thanks for bringing back sweet memories. You and your kids will face many milestones, and it seems you will never be quite ready for the next one. But they will be. And thankfully they grab hold and bring us along with them. Hope Wren has a great year!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Ugh, I felt all of this! I felt all of this just 3 short weeks ago with my little Kindergartener! I cried the week before school started and the first week of school. One morning, I had to be at a meeting and I realized I wouldn’t be able to walk my son to class. I cried and was so worried about him and asked the Curriculum Coordinator if she would be so kind as to walk him because I was worried. I cried all the way to the meeting…until she texted me and said that he walked into the classroom, turned around and waved at her, going calmly into his class. I realized that it was me who was having a hard time adjusting to Kindergarten and not my Kindergartener. 🙂 Good luck coping with those mommy blues! I am so much better as a teacher at these things than I am as a mom! Thank you so much for sharing and know that all the mommies of the world are right with you on this one!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh, I remember that day too. It was HARD! I learned that as teachers we have to be so thankful that all of our families TRUST us with all their precious babies! Day after day, smile after smile, story after story. It’s going to be an amazing year! Enjoy it and write about it!

    Liked by 1 person

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